Its been a while since I posted but despite being sat at home with time on my hands I have struggled with motivation and inspiration. Every time I finally have managed to sit down to watch something it just sounded depressing or whiney – not what I was aiming to write. I am currently feeling the ‘inspiration’ at the moment, or maybe it is just that I have 3 exams looming next week that I really should be revising for. But now we have an exit that has more contradictions than not, I thought I would consider my experience of lockdown so far.
To start with, I have (and still am) hating the lockdown. Don’t hate on me, I know it is necessary and is saving lives (and I am all for saving lives) but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I haven’t been very productive, I haven’t learned a new skill, language or become a social influencer; instead, I chose to simply survive.
I have struggled to stay focused and get my uni work down – I only have one more week to go until I don’t need to stress about university anymore. I am still behind in both the work I should have done and revision I still need to do. but a lot of my lectures involve streaming videos and my internet just doesn’t work most the time – well unless you want to work between 9pm and 8am, apparently fewer people use the internet then. I hope once the semester is over, I can go back over some things and make sure my notes are ready for next year – I say hope because I have little faith in my motivation to do this at the moment.
I think the hardest thing for me to deal with was having to leave university and move back in with my parents. I have spent the last 2 years taking courses, getting experience, attending open days and basically just dreaming of getting to uni. Then within 5 months, I was back home. It was devasting, I felt that just as I was beginning to get my life on track and work things out, it’s all been put on hold. So I have spent some time listening to several of this motivational, life coach self-help books (some are depressing). Ultimately I have discovered there is no secret ingredient in life to get you anywhere, which I kind of already knew.
So what now? What is next? The lockdown restrictions are being eased and uni has almost finished. I did have a summer job lined up in Greece for 2 months, which I was really looking forward to but presently that’s not possible. Maybe next year. Every day I’m on Google, checking if there are any new job adverts, but no one is hiring because no one knows when or how they will open, and I expect it also has something to do with the fact I kinda live in the middle of nowhere. I’m also hoping to have the chance (and the money) to finish some of my projects, like my terrarium, the crocket blanket and the lovely blue gingham dress I’m obsessed with.
Let me know what how you are all doing now? What have you been doing in this lockdown? What are your plans now? Stay safe, remember this is only temporary and better times are ahead.